hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
