Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
