I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Your penis caused this!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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