do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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