I think I died a long time ago.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
