My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
