hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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