what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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