Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i believe in u and ur pee
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
