I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
