That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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