some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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