Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
