i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
