Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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