I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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