i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
