Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
