some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
40s are totally the cure
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
