Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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