I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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