Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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