your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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