i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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