My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
