she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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