You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
