I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
