I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i came on her dog
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
