I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
