I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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