Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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