Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
