Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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