If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
