btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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