one might say we're banned from that church
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
