I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
