Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
