My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
