How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
