non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
