apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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