I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
foreskin is a definite game changer
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Pants are for mortals
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Holy shit dude........stairs
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