Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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