oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
ugly people sure do ruin things
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
