I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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