Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
