Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
