Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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