I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
