those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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