The best revenge is premature balding
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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